Hi, everyone. I’ve been having a lot of pronoun angst lately so I thought I would state this clearly.

My name is Quito and I’m a proud transgender person. I prefer “they” pronouns, and have been using them in queer community for a couple of years now. Because I know myself to be androgynous or agender (ie not male, not female, but kinda in between or neither or both, considering a physical transition but moving slow with those decisions), neither “he” nor “she” feels accurate, which is why “they” works best for me.

Yes, “they” is grammatically correct, you can google it for many confirming articles.

I know this may feel weird to some of you because I still live in a female body so using “she”may look right to you, but trust me – I’ve spent a lot of time thinking this through and what you see is not always what you get.

I understand if it takes you a while to switch to “they”, especially if we’ve known each other for a long time. But I do take it as a sign of respect not just for me but for other trans folks who use gender-neutral pronouns out there if you try. And I bet I won’t be the last person in your life to ever ask you to make this switch.

Consider this a small step you can take in living out your principles, and acknowledging that there are people out there like me who don’t fit into standard “male” and “female” boxes (ie the gender binary) but are trying to counteract hundreds or thousands of years of invisibility and oppression, starting with the very language we use to address ourselves.

(Please also note : not every trans person prefers “they” as their pronoun and some downright hate it, many feel strongly male or female and prefer “he” or “she” pronouns.  There are a lot of variations in trans people’s experiences and I’m only speaking for myself here. The only way to find out for sure is to ASK.)

If you slip and use “she” with me don’t worry about apologizing – just try to get it right next time. I promise you’ll get used to it eventually! (It took me two years to adjust but now it’s the only thing that feels right.) Cultural shifts take time but I hope we can all be committed to this one.

Thanks so much for loving me enough to try. You’re the best. ❤